The Letter You Never Got
by CHICKENSLOVEBONES
Summary: But alas the dream team was formed. But you were never really my team were you. You assimilated me into your little dysfunctional group. Calling yourselves my people to distract me from the fact I was becoming one of yours.
1. No strings attached

**Greetings! Thought I'd give it a try posting multi-chapters. I usually don't like things like this because I like to read a story all at once. But this dose have some advantages mostly for the writer. For the writer a multi-chapter allows for more time to write (you can post a chapter and see what people think before you write some big long thing that might turn out to be a crappy idea.) Plus people post more comments on multi-chapters because they want the next chapter to be posted by the author. **

**Sorry about any spelling mistakes. I can not proofread to save my life. I tried to write this like Booth was just on his computer typing up what ever came to mind. Like writing a letter to someone you're mad at, but not sending it, or something along those lines.**

_Dear Temperance (Bones) Brennen – Who ever the hell you are-_

_I met you just less than eight years ago. There isn't a day I'm not thankful for that. There isn't a day I don't regret that either. Wow that was harsh. Yes it was, but it was honest too. I am writing this to be honest. I may not be completely honest with you. You figured that one out didn't you._

_You seemed out raged that I would have lied to you. You said I had to give an example. Confess a time I lied to you. I told you about Hannah. You clamed up. I didn't even tell you a real lie. But you took it, and you didn't ask for another. _

_We never got drunk, and played tag, back and forth, spilling secrets and laughing and crying in rememberance. We never promised to be more honest in the future. No I menchened Hannah and you clamed up._

_Why did you do that, was it because you had lies too? Ones you weren't going to share. You didn't realize we were playing that game. You didn't know those were lies. You never said anything. How could that be a lie? That was denial. You were lying to someone. And she didn't want to hear the truth. _

_So you took my lye of omission, you took it at face value, and then we drank. Like we always do. But that wasn't the start was it. No that was years latter. When we were still playing. Just a different kind of game._

_This all started over seven years ago, because a girl died. She died and I needed help. I needed help. It sounds strange to say. I needed help. I couldn't do it on my own. I could do just about anything on my own, but I couldn't do this. So I asked for help. _

_Do you know how lucky we are that we even met? Because it wasn't easy to ask you to come in on my case. To come and help me because I couldn't do it on my own. If it had been anybody else I would have told them to go to hell. You came in and you were better. Not only that but you let me know it to. _

_I wanted to tell you to get lost, go to hell and take your damn anthropology with you. I spent four years on that case. And you knew more than me just from looking at her bones. I let you come in and do your thing. I think you take for granted how hard that was for me. Anybody else I would have told them to go to hell and showed them the door myself. But I didn't do that to you._

_Why? Because you're a woman. Yes, I'm not going to lie about it. You were beautiful (are beautiful) and had the social skills of a socially inept anthropologist. And when we were walking in the theater, and I start dropping hints. You said it was too bad I couldn't ask you out. Too bad. With a hint of sadness in your tone. Was it sadness? Was the great Temperance Brennen, world renowned in her field sad that she couldn't go out with me? It felt good. A boost to my arrogant male ego to no that you were disappointed._

_But you don't date do you. That's a waste of your precious time. You didn't want me for dinner did you? You were never looking for a night out. If you were you weren't looking for me. Why would you want someone as stupid as me? I would surly be lost if you wanted to discus the latest findings in what ever god for sake country you had just been in._

_You didn't want me for my mind. Not the way you were looking at me. What is it that you always say? 'Symmetrical Features'. You were sizing me up like a steer. You wanted me for sex. Because you knew I would be good. You wanted your urges satisfied. And I was fine with that. I was more than fine. You wanted me. We both know it would have been good. _

_That's why I could stand it. Having a beautiful intelligent scientist come in and make me look like an idiot. Because I was better. You may have been brilliant, a thousand times better than me in every aspect. But we both knew I was the one who could blow your fucking mind._

_I didn't see you after that. After you got in that cab, and came back with a different attitude toured me. And the same to-good personality. Why did you get into that cab? It was raining and we were soaked. We were kissing and you wanted sex. I was going to give it to you. I would have taken you home and blown you away. You would have left satisfied I can tell you that. _

_So why did you go then. Was it because of what I said? That I'm an addict. Did it make it to real for you? Was it to much to know that every time you saw me you would know that? I never told anybody else. You were the first person I had admitted that to including myself._

_But that's not how it was supposed to go. Was that why you were so mad the next day when I came back. Because I ruined perfectly good sex. Mind blowing sex with no strings attached. I was supposed to satisfy your urges, and leave your life for good. You were never supposed to see me again. I apologies to you then. I'm sorry I turned into more then you sex toy. I'm sorry that I made it too real._

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**If people like this I'll post the next chapter as soon.**


	2. We meet again

_But I did see you again. Didn't I? This letter wouldn't be this long if we had never met but the once. I found you again. I came back into your life making things real for you once again._

_Is that why you didn't want to work with me? Well I didn't want to work with you either. I would have been happier finding someone else. But I knew you were the best, even if it pained me to say it. _

_So I broke the stale mate. I was the one who reached out. Does that make you better? Because I was the one who needed you. Or dose it make me better to admit it._

_If someone had told me what would happen down the line. I would have run like hell. A women black mails you into eventually becoming her partner. So why did I agree. _

_Not even the higher ups thought it was a good idea. But I argued with them. I defended you. Told them why it would be a good idea. Why did I do that? Really I'm asking. Why would I want to work with you? _

_You were better then me. Maybe I wanted to align myself with power. Have the best on my team. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Maybe I just grew fond of your nut stomping. Who knows?_

_In the long run I'm glad you did it though. I hate being in a team. Why would you want to have to constantly worry about someone else's well-being in life or death situations? It's a lot easier to look out for 'numero Uno' when working a solo mission. It's was about ten times worse with you bones. Being in the field with a trained agent is bad enough, but a squint. I thought about arming you at first. But it quickly became evident that that posed its own set of issues. The martial arts helped though. I didn't worry as much after the first time I saw you throw a full grown man over your shoulder. Impressive by the way. Still how far could that get you. I still had to worry. Still have to worry._

_But alas the dream team was formed. But you were never really my team were you. You assimilated me into your little dysfunctional group. Calling yourselves my people to distract me from the fact I was becoming one of yours._

_I swear at times I could feel you seeping into my blood. Like zombies feasting on the living and normal members of society. So I became one of you in a sense. _

_I was FBI. Like you were bones, and Hogins was bugs. Like the justice league. We all had are own super powers. _

_Funny though when did it occur to me, 'These are my squints, and this is my partner'. When did that happen? When did we reach this point? Were I'm willing to kill for you._

_Granted I would kill for a lot of reasons, have killed for a lot of reasons. Some better than others. But when did it come to this point, where I would kill someone for you. Because you're you and no body tries to hurt my partner. I never did tell you. Did I? About the hit put on you for pissing of a gang leader. Well I took care of that. Nobody ever came after you (not for that reason anyway). And you know I never really thought about it until now bones. The risk I was taking. I threatened a gang leader. Shoved my gun down his throat to be exact. But I didn't care at the time. I didn't care that if anybody found out I would loose my job. That if he died it would be another kill to make redemptions for. I didn't care if it was stupid and irrational. You make me stupid and irrational. I don't know if that's a good thing or not._

_Remember the case Kenton took you. I got all over protective and like super pain in the ass. I was worried. Someone shot at you. You didn't seem to care. We knew someone was after you, but you didn't seem to care until I got blown up by your refrigerator. Then you were scared. Why were you scared? Did it finally occur to you 'shit this is bad'? Did you think I doubted your self-reliance? I wasn't. I now you can take care of yourself. But I worry. It's not a sign of weakness to be afraid. Because I know you're afraid. I am too._

_Not everybody gets into the justice league of super squints though do they bones. You rejected cam like a foreign organ. Why didn't you want her? She exultant in her field. She may not be world renowned like you but she's one of the best. _

_I never told you what it meant to me when you accepted cam, when she became one of the team. When it was no longer a choice I had to make. Because I never told you what she asked me. She wanted to know where I stood. My dearest and oldest friend wanted to know who my alliances were with. Do you know what I told her? You bones. I said I'm with you all the way. I didn't know where the hell we were going, but I knew was with you._


	3. Playing pretend

_ Why is it such a weakness to need someone Bones? Why are you so reluctant to rely on another person? When you said that you are an anthropologist .Whose name was Dc. Temperance Brennan. When you were crying in my arms? After the tears subsided and the rational brain kicked back in you regretted it didn't you. You basically said it shouldn't happen again. Did it scare you that much to rely on me, if only for that moment, if only for a hug._

_How bad did it hurt Bones? When you learned that your family wasn't who you thought, that the memories were a lie, or that your last name wasn't even legal._

_Until you were three everybody called you Joy. Did you radiate some kind of hope back then? Was there a reason or did your parents just like the name. Why did they name you Temperance? What would they have used next. Hope! Mercy! Faith! (That would be just too ironic)_

_Does it really matter if you're someone's Joy, just like you're my Bones. Is it that painful to hear someone call you that name? Dose Joy make you think of how fake it all was that your parents were criminals, and that they lied when you asked about things like grandparents and cousins._

_I don't think you realize what that name means. Does it hurt that your father might like to think of you as his baby Joy, that if your father heard the word joy, he might be brought back. Sure it would be back to when he was a criminal. The life you consider a lie from everything you know, but can't you get that on some level Bones. _

_You can think what you want of the name you were given. Think it a lie or a dark secret past. And when I think of joy I'll think of a little baby swinging in a basinet. The little girl who was somebody's Joy._

_You do love undercover, don't you Bones. What is it you love the most? Is it getting to dress up? Putting on a show and being someone else. Or is it that you don't have to be Brennan for a chance._

_You still look like Brennan. You still know as much as her. But you don't have to act like her do you. You can be wild and free. You can act uninhibited. I can smack your ass in public and you can laugh with delight. Maybe it's just me but that's my favorite part. _

_The wild behavior, it's exciting right. To be that out there, it can be a little scary sometimes. Like when I'm expected to throw knives at you. Booth wouldn't do that, and Brennan would certainly never let him._

_We can be outrages and atrocious. We can flirt with each other in the name of a case. I can kiss you for no reason at all, because I'm not Booth, your partner and friend. I'm Tony your fiancé. Engaged to be engaged. And we can be anything we want, whether it's pretend or not._


	4. Our happily ever

**This chapter is dedicated to ****SouthunLady****, who reminded me how much I liked writing this fic, it's so easy. I don't have to do all the formatting and punctuation that goes along with speaking. (Thank God) It's basically just brain waves streaming onto paper.**

_Did you ever want to be a princess Bones. I mean every little girl has thought about it at least once, but I have trouble seeing you wanting that. I can't imagine you, five years old dresses up in mommy's dresses, waiting for the prince to come rescue you from the tower. Nope not you, not my Bones, you'd be wearing the dress of course, but you'd be running around fighting you own dragons. Which I can understand, it's no fun to sit around and wait for someone else to get all the glory._

_So you would of course fight your own dragons, and slay your own giants, and being so self-sufficient you wouldn't need your prince charming, but he would follow you around anyway because he's entranced. Your gorges and you don't need his help, but maybe you want it. So the prince would be your right hand man, the peanut butter to your jelly, your main compo dray. He would stand by your side and have your back always. _

_They would rule there kingdom together, the best of both, instinctual and empirical. They would be the best of friends and they would keep their kingdom safe from foreign invaders and monsters and such. _

_Then something bad happens and the prince gets scared and wanting to protect his friend the princess he draws a line down the kingdom, and tells her not to cross._

_Over the years the line wares away but everyone still knows it's there so they don't cross. Half the villagers will retreat into their walls of security, protecting them for the dangers of the world, and on the prince's side, everyone's happy. Yes all the villagers are happy but they're lonely, having no one who wants to share their happiness with them. And they dance and dance until they wear a hole into the dirt, digging themselves deeper and deeper into their pit of perpetual loneliness. _

_One day the prince realizes how much he misses the princess. So they push him back up the walls of the pit he has dug, the one that traps people into being stuck there, with him, forever._

_Of course once he crosses over to your side of the line, there's a fricken wall to climb, but that would be to easy wouldn't it. No he can't just storm over the wall and concur the kingdom, because they'll cut all his climbing ropes and he'll fall to his pitiful death. He could of course, ram the doors but then there's the chance of getting shot once he breaches them. _

_So he's standing there with this giant wall in front of him, the thing could probably be spotted from the moon. For all he knows her side of the kingdom could be riddled with the plague, and violence, but all the risks excluded he still want to be with the princess so he has to tear it down. _

_So the prince has to fricken chip away at it to release the peasants inside. But once they are freed they get scared, so they say mean things to him and retreat back into their castle walls. Saying they never wanted to be freed in the first place._

_Then again if you were to cross to the prince's side you would slide down the edge of the trench, right into the magical unicorn world of butterflies and happiness. Were all the goats fart rainbows and we all live happily ever after, and if you aren't cool with that, because you were just on your way out to get milk when you slipped into this hell hole. You can't get out of course because the walls are too high, and the dancing elves will constantly ask you what's wrong, and they will try to make you happy, but they can't make it better because all you wanted was milk. _

_Then of course you will grow to resent the elves, and the unicorns, and the goats that fart rainbows, when all there trying to do is make you happy, but you don't care because you don't want to be here. _

_Even though you hurt them, they still want to make you happy. So they will push you back up the trench walls and you will go along your marry way. The prince will still miss his friend, the elves will all sit in their huts wondering why they couldn't make you happy, and the unicorns will wonder why you don't love them. The goats of course so encumbered by grief will refuse to eat, and they will fight rainbows no more._

_THE END_


	5. The be all

_I was scared Bones. Gasp! Big strong FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth was scared. Damn strait. I get scared to. It's an emotion, I'm only human. Cam could have died Bones. We all could have died, because it doesn't matter how damn good we all are. By this point we're all running on a fucking miracle. _

_There are too many people trying to kill us out there. I can't be responsible for being one of them. I can't be the thing that puts you in danger Bones. I told you that. Not in so many words or in that particular order. I believe I phrased it as a line. Kind of like a boundary, keeping my country's crap from infiltrating your clean borders. _

_But it was really more just for show. Like the Canada/USA border. It was established but never heavily guarded. How hard would it be to invade the other? One just has to take the initiative. _

_ What's your hell look like Bones? Is it the inside of a foreign prison? The one where you are being held on charges you have yet to be informed of. The one where you know something bad is going to happen. Or does it look like the inside of a car. The one with the radio playing and the widows blacked out. Cause I saw my hell bones. It was bleak and black. Time never stopped and you weren't there. And somewhere in the back of my nightmare there was a clock counting down. I never knew what would happen if it ran out, and I couldn't remember what it was counting._

_But what am I saying bones. Partners aren't like this. You can't be my everything. What am I even to you, a college, a friend, more, less? You tell me. I'd love to know. Were you as scared as I was? When you got the call did your heart stop? Cause mine did. Strange to say I wouldn't have tried as hard on the ship, if we had never pulled you out of the dirt. Again I ask how's that fair. You get to be my everthing. What do I get?_

_Why wouldn't you go with him Bones? When sully asked you didn't go. Isn't that the dream 'sail of into the sunset with a man who loves you'? Was that not purposeful enough for you, to be with a man who loves you isn't enough. _

_You're not afraid to leave. You've proved that time and again. I know you'd leave for a lot of reasons. Was he not a good enough reason? So what was your reason for leaving this last time? And what's a good enough reason to get you to stay?_


End file.
